Language Author Beard Pattern

Intent: Ensure success of the ProgrammingLanguage you designed by growing a beard.

Examples:

• BrianKernighan and DennisRitchie (CeeLanguage): beards. Language successful.
• BjarneStroustrup (CeePlusPlus): Beard. Language successful.
• AlanKay (SmalltalkLanguage), KristenNygaard (SimulaLanguage): no beards. Languages not so successful.
• ThomasKurtz (BasicLanguage), LarryWall (PerlLanguage): Mustaches. Languages widely used, but derided by "RealProgrammers".
• AndersHejlsberg (CeeSharp): no beard; JamesGosling (JavaLanguage): beard. JavaLanguage far more popular.
• BertrandMeyer (EiffelLanguage): no beard; language a spectacular flop.
• ChristopherDiggins (HeronLanguage): beard. Does a language that don't actually exist count as successful if the inventor thinks it is?
• JohnOusterhout (TclLanguage): no beard; language popular in a small community.
• GuidoVanRossum (PythonLanguage): as of 2005, beard. Language still becoming successful.
• Spock's Beard: the language of progressive rock, very successful

Counterexamples:

• NiklausWirth (AlgolLanguage, PascalLanguage, ModulaOne, ModulaTwo, ModulaThree, OberonLanguage): beard. Languages somewhat successful.
• JohnMcCarthy (LispLanguage): spectacular beard. Language a commercial failure but successful as a fetish.
• GraceHopper (CobolLanguage): no beard. Language a huge success.
• JohnBackus (FortranLanguage): no beard. Language arguably biggest success of all time.
• KenIverson (AplLanguage): beard and no beard. Language successful and not successful depending on your perspective.
• DrCodd E. F. "Ted" Codd (SqlLanguage): mustache, no beard. Language successful.
• RasmusLerdorf (PhpLanguage): usually clean shaven. Language wildly popular.
• YukihiroMatsumoto (RubyLanguage): often clean shaven, sometimes stubbly, sometimes sporting a beard. Language still becoming successful.
• ChuckMoore (ForthLanguage): no beard. Need I continue?

SmalltalkLanguage was invented by AlanKay with DanIngalls (beard), AdeleGoldberg (no beard) and others. Perhaps the inconsistent facial hair status of Smalltalk's inventors had something to do with Smalltalk's spotty record.

For further documentation of this pattern (with supporting illustrations), see: http://khason.biz/blog/2004/12/why-microsoft-can-blow-off-with-c.html

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Does it matter or not if the beard is gray?

This pattern is exactly why I refuse both to invent a language and to grow a beard. --PhlIp

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It should be noted, of course, that "success" in this context refers to how widely the language is used, not to any measure of technical elegance or expressiveness.

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See also: http://www.nemasys.com/ghostwolf/Reflections/Poetry/lostbeard.shtml

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YukihiroMatsumoto has been photographed with a beard: http://redhanded.hobix.com/cult/santaMatz.html

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this of course raises the question: would grace hopper have grown a beard if she could have?

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I have a beard. No wonder I want to design a language! -- DaveEaton

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By this measure, ZZ Top should be able to design the most revolutionary language in the history of computing. Arguably, they have at least invented a musical idiom: the rock boogie.

• Sure, haven't you heard of the ZedZedLanguage and the ZZTopsQueryLanguage?

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The Luxurious Flowing Hair Club for Scientists is probably relevant here... http://www.improb.com/projects/hair/hair-club-top.html

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"It doesn't matter if you have a beard on the outside. It's the beard on the inside that counts." -- Action Hank

and it doesn't need to be trimmed

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JulyZeroSix

CategoryPattern CategoryHumor