Raising Bright Kids

This page is about helping children reach their full potential. For some children, this is best accomplished by enriching their environment (whatever that means!). For others, it might be about accelerating their learning, both formal and informal. Either way, it's about giving them a chance to discover how much fun it can be to use their brain. It needs to be tempered with ideas on how to help children get along with the average people they will meet, work with and interact with every day. That's harder, and there's precious little advice on it.

Does bright = gifted?

I'm told by education experts in the UK "no", and apparently there are formal definitions within the education community as to what "gifted", "talented" and "bright" mean, but no-one has actually provided me with those definitions. Regardless, this page is about helping children reach their potential. Regardless of whether, to start with, they are bright, gifted, talented, ordinary, below average, whatever any of these labels mean, the objective is to help your child be the best they can. This does not mean forcing them, or making their life a misery. It means finding the way they learn best and helping them to exploit it fully.

Gifted means that a child requires special attention and resources in order to develop into a well-adjusted person. Never mind achieving their full potential. Presumably, one of talented or bright means they have a higher than average potential. I've no idea what the other would mean.

Regardless of the gift?

I think so. Intelligence is typically broken down into more than a half-dozen components, including:

mathematico-linguistic
kinesthetic
spatio-temporal
interpersonal
...

But a gifted artist needn't be particularly bright in other areas, and yet may be reasonably well-adjusted. In general conversation, "bright" means mentally quick and accurate, whereas, "talented" means especially able, and "gifted" means being particularly able by their nature (sometimes emphasized by saying "naturally gifted"). Natural gifts are often evident before the age of three, so some poorly-raised children are missing out before they even start school.

I'm sorry but talented means "particularly able by nature" in everyday usage and is often contrasted with 'able'.

So is perfect pitch a gift, a talent, or both?

Follow their imagination enthusiastically. If they want to wrestle, teach 'em finger-swordfencing. If they want a story about rocket ships, tell 'em one with the origin of stars and the TwinParadox. JustSayYes? and ExpandToContract.
Talk (and sing) to your infant. Say what you are doing as you do it. Let them wallow in your words and expression. Notice that they learn turn taking in dialog long before they learn to talk.
Let your kids be like you. What are you like? Think about that often. Be generous with yourself. You may improve yourself too.
Be more entertaining than the television. (If they'd rather watch tv, work harder.) Indulge yourself too. For example, pick up an espresso and sip it on the park bench while you watch your child throw rocks into the creek.
- Alternatively, eliminate television. In more than 40 years of watching the benefits vs liabilities of TV, I must say I have not found any valid rationale that supports keeping television. I submit that any perceived knowledge or wisdom that might be obtained through TV can be accomplished better through other media. Passive entertainment is the worst kind. Entertainment is good, but the more interactive it is, the greater the benefits. Passive entertainment is hypnotic, allowing the installation of bizarre ideas and values while one sleeps with eyes open.
- Alternatively, fix television so that the material is honest, informative, relevant. Bring the world to those who can't go to it. Implement subscribed, consumer-selected programming. Create a channel or group of channels whose content is only what the subscriber explicitly requests (via internet).
- Eliminating TV is a great step; however, it comes with a great hazard. Peer pressure. Kids love TV, so, if your kids don't watch TV, other kids will categorize them as strange. And this can be a big problem. Also, they will go to other houses, and watch TV there, and will be even more hooked than if they had watched TV in their home from the beginning. I think, that, just for this reason (and not for any value that TV may have) eliminating TV can be too extreme for your kids.
Teach your kid where his/her spleen is. When some adult asks "where is your heart?", you ask, "where is your spleen?" The adult then thinks your kid is very bright and this has the effect of making them so. (It doesn't matter where they point either.)
- I've a friend, an EE by trade, who has taught his three-year-old innumerable trivia from the periodic table of the elements, and other assorted stuff from physics, chemistry, and math: "Leo, what is the atomic number of copper?" Leo gleefully replies, "Twenty-nine!". "What is 'e'?" "EmmCeeSquared?!". "What is the integral of x?" "X squared over 2 plus C". And so on. Doubtless, the kid (who is bright nevertheless) is simply repeating things he has memorized, but it still is cute.
Buy kid books that you like to read. Read them over and over and over and over. My all time favorite is Bored, Nothing To Do by Peter Spier ISBN 038513178X .
Instead of telling your kid to "look it up in the dictionary", use the dictionary together. Find two more words every time you do.
- Never let a word go by whose meaning is unclear.
Take something apart to see how it works. Assume that you and they can learn anything by looking long enough. Enjoy even small discoveries.
Volunteer at school. Help other kids, not necessarily your own. Your kid learns that you take school seriously, and so do the teachers.
Find ways to let them help you do what you do in your adult life.
Keep a globe in your family room and a periodic table on your fridge. Consult them when countries or elements are mentioned in conversation.
Ask for tours, especially of ordinary people doing ordinary jobs. (Extraordinary things are good too. We toured ALVIN.)
Practice sticking with things even when they turn out to be harder than expected. Suggest things to think about while waiting.
Learn to make friends early. Learn to choose friends by high school. (Regarding honors English, I asked my son, "Would you rather be known as a smart kid that can't spell or a dumb kid that can't spell?")
Have bright parents. Mate with someone who has bright genes.
- More importantly, select someone who's free of baggage. I can attest that bright is cancelled by baggage. [please define 'baggage']
  - It wasn't my comment, but I'll have a go: 'baggage' is emotional hang-ups, especially addiction or fear. This might not just afflict parents - it can be something present in teachers or sometimes the culture of an entire school. It is possible for a bright kid to get over abuse at the hands of such folks. But it sure doesn't help 'em for you to let it go on. Find out!
- The baggage comment was mine. Yes, emotional hang-ups, control compulsions, inappropriate social memes, zealotry of assorted kinds. I've seen the outcome of baggage-intensive upbringing, and it can render "bright" just about irrelevant.
Respect your kid.
- Keep your promises to your kid.
- Keep your promises to your spouse (especially the ones about love, honor, etc.)
Ensure that there is balanced exchange with your kid. They must be able to contribute to balance what they get. Giving them "everything" is an awful thing to do. (A good gauge for this is "how much can they have and still care for it?" At the point where their things are no longer cared for, they probably have too much stuff.)
Don't underestimate your kid. A three year old, properly trained and encouraged, can do a lot more for herself than you expect. Read about TheMontessoriMethod?, and apply the same ideas at home. Good stuff.
Buy them exciting toys. Lego Mindstorm and its like come to mind. I enjoyed more the few Lego sets I got as a kid, than all the other stuff, like cars and action toys.

I read the books The Hobbit, LordOfTheRings, and the Silmarillion to my wife Iris and daughter Ashley. Though I suppose during the early chapters the stem cells that would form Ashley's ears were not fully differentiated yet.

After Ashley learned to talk grown-up style I always tell her to repeat big words to me. I say "Ashley, say Serendipity", or "say zhegalkin polynomial" or "say AbstractBaseClass". She always repeats it. At the end of the movie HarryPotter, I stood her on her chair in the theatre and said "Ashley, can you say 'foreshadowing'?"

Her school now sends home a sheet of paper for us to write what books we read each day and how long we took to read them. For most books I list 15 minutes, but for DoctorSeuss's Fox in Socks I list 4. -- PhlIp

I know a sibling set who was read to from GoedelEscherBach when they were 8. You can just imagine how they turned out. -- NickBensema

I can't - would you care to tell us?

[My guess is that one teaches mathematics, one is an artist, and one is a musician. Moreover, they all wish the readings had commenced a year or two earlier.]

It bothers me that the word happy hasn't been used on this page. I was transferred to a nice little Type A clone factory after 4th grade and seriously contemplated suicide to get out. Yes, some kids are brighter in some areas than others, some in many areas. If you feel a need to direct and dominate their choices, so be it, but some effort to help them deal with what may actually be interests and/or abilities beyond your scope would be really meaningful. -- Brian

Nowhere on this page does it talk about dominating the kids. It's all about enriching their environment and giving them the opportunity to learn. They do that anyway, but when helped the results can be amazing. Let them follow their interests, of course, but give them the tools to work with on the way. That's what this page is about.

Also, 'type A clone factory' rings false. There is no correlation between bright people and 'type A personalities', and none of the 'gifted', 'accelerated' or otherwise streamed programs I've seen where oriented this way. Nor would you expect it.

I didn't say there was a correlation between bright people and 'type A personalities'. We were just raw material - badly processed...

The school I mentioned emphasized competition to the extent of handing out tests and graded homework in class in decreasing grade order - they covered the same material as the "normal" schools with the same textbooks a little faster with the same amount of redundancy and much more homework - the enrichment was idiotic (how to run an abacus for example.) For a wonderful view of teaching gifted students, see:

http://cfge.wm.edu/documents/CurriculumProfound.html

Unfortunately, that's not remotely what I experienced.

Why bother? Brains are becoming a cheap commodity in the global economy. I thus try to make sure my kids have the needed social skills to kiss up, schmooze, and BS their way to the top.

Because understanding things and having a rich life are more valuable than being able to climb the ranks of a confused society?

Hopefully, we strive for balance. Geeks are not treated very well in our society. They deserve to have the ability to move up in rank if they want it. Humans are social animals, and if you don't know how to play in that environment, you eat tire tracks. Until Vulcans run Earth, that is the way it is.

Actually engineer running the Earth instead of politicians would be enough, and the way to get there is to raise bright children. The dilemma is that I wouldn't want my child to suffer for the greater good by being an outcast. Therefore there is no point in raising bright children, the time spent learning about science is better spent learning how to make friends.

Engineers running the Earth? I am not sure they would do a better job. Politics is largely weighing social decisions and negotiation. Diplomacy skills are hard to find in engineers. Humans are not logical and those who know how to navigate the human swamp of illogic will do better in that swamp. Spock's bluntness would be more likely to get the Enterprise blasted by Klingons or whatnot than Kirk.

Remember that there's one thing more important than raising a person or raising a bright person, and that is loving a person. If you are a competitive person, or work in a competitive environment, think back to how you were raised, ask yourself if this part of your personality is due to the way you were raised. Think long and hard if there are certain things you shouldn't do in your quest to give your children the best tools and education - if, sometimes, putting too much emphasis on studying or intellectual achievement could actually keep your children from having a rich life.

Heh, studying is supposed to be enjoyable, and all the more so with parental love and praise for doing the studying (and related work) well.

Studying can be enjoyable. Being pressured into studying by your parents, can't. True, but hardly confined to studying.

As important as teaching your children how to read, write, do elementary arithmetic and excel is to offer them sound advice whose future repercussions are properly understood.

I have seen many excel not so much because of their native intelligence but because of sound decisions and lack of complacency, while others who are brilliant are neither aggressive in their careers (and subsequent rewards) nor in their choices. They then tend to become frustrated as they see the less talented advance.

Having happy kids is vital; bright, gifted or talented is hard to make the most of if the child is not happy. Social skills are often the skills that are the hardest for gifted etc children to master and this impacts greatly on their happiness at school and can in turn be detrimental to using their gifts. Oh yeah and by the way all children have gifts and it is the parents and teachers job to help them discover them. Good communication between parents and teachers helps ensure continuity between home and school.

All the above is right, but I might point out that the topic is RaisingBrightKids, which is really just one aspect of raising kids. Helping them to be intelligent is important but I don't believe that anyone here believes that it's a substitute for teaching them to be loving, wise, or hardworking. The topic isn't RaisingKids?, after all, though that would be a pretty good topic in itself, and would still just be an umbrella topic covering those other areas and more. Being bright is just one goal that we should have for our kids and is definitely worth pursuing, just not at the expense of other areas. Maybe it should be RaisingBalancedKids?? -- KyleMaxwell

FutureOfWork -- more SelfManagement needed?

...they should be self-managing independent thinkers as well as good empathizers and collaborators.

Free unstructured time needed, but the real job of the parent is in "how to help our own kids develop these personal resources". See http://pf.fastcompany.com/magazine/96/szuboff.html

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