Discussion With An Alaskan Grizzly Bear

Date: 22 July 1979

Place: east central Alaskan wilderness

Terrain: steep, rocky slope, snow-filled gullies

Flora: unidentified scrub brush, alders, devils claw, wild berries, aspen, jack pine

Fauna: bears, ptarmigan, reindeer, arctic fox, wolves, mice, no-see-ums, small mosquitoes, standard mosquitoes, B-52 mosquitoes

Temperature: 8C

Weather Conditions: very windy, intermittent heavy showers

Bear Experience Level: one-hour presentation by the Project Leader on 'avoiding bear attacks.'

Keywords: bear, prayer

What happens when "rules" don't work? Our group of exploration professionals including 4 geologists, 1 cook, 1 helicopter pilot, and the essential "chopper mechanic" were about to finish a 4-week spell in the Alaskan bush. The day in question was the last day before a scheduled 3-day break and the team was geared to completing the last tasks "on time and within budget." We really didn't care so much about the time and budget issues, but we were keenly looking forward to a hot shower and/or bath, a couple nights sleep in a real bed and the "forgotten" pleasure of sitting in a chair, not perching on the edge of a large wooden supply box.

While collecting soil samples some 60-km from our field camp base I was "investigated" by an adult Grizzly Bear.

: RULE 1: Make a strange noise (use your referee whistle) to scare away the bear. Bears don't like strange noises.

I blew on my referee's whistle several times and sure enough the bear didn't charge. The bear simply continued to stare at me as if nothing was wrong.

: RULE 2: Do not run away from a bear. If you try to run away, the bear will likely chase you down for a closer look.
: RULE 3: Bears are territorial and when alarmed will move into the centre of their territory. Walk 300 paces directly away from the bear and call in the helicopter.

I walked a very straight line away from the bear. However the "walk away" plan didn't work because the bear didn't abide by the rule. Instead it followed me slowly, but steadily across the hillside.

: RULE 4: Don't fight with a bear but lie still and hope he/she goes away.

When we met up again the bear came in for a closer inspection. Our "discussion" lasted another 10 - 15 minutes during which time I was sniffed, snorted on, taste-tested, pawed and clawed. I never gave a moment's thought to fighting as the fear factor had produced both mental and physical "paralysis." The bear finally departed when it spotted the field crew's helicopter circling above us at treetop level. My injuries were not life threatening although a bit of corrective surgery was required.

As fertile analogies for Wiki or XP customer interaction go, this one could be great. --RichardDrake

So it may be that "playing 'possum" and sticking one's head in the sand are not evolutionary dead ends.

See PlayingWithaPolarBear for an alternative strategy.

What bothers me is that the rules had clearly not been tested sufficiently. Remind me, how do you regression test with a bear? [statistical testing with standard deviation measurements. we're looking for volunteers!] -- Anonymous Why do you say that? He survived. Had he run away, fought back etc it might have been worse. (Also I think the "don't fight" rule imples some experience of the other rules failing.) -- DaveHarris

Did the bear RefactorMercilessly you?

InSovietRussia, code RefactorMercilessly YOU!

Yikes! I'm glad that the risks in software are not as great as Alaskan Grizzly Bears.

At XpImmersionOne, RonJeffries and RobertMartin were doing a skit demonstrating the PlanningGame. Ron was the customer and Robert was the developer. When Ron dug into Robert, asking if he could decrease his estimates, Robert just stood there and didn't say a word. After a few moments of silence, Ron moved on to another question. Kent yelled out "perfect answer!" and we all had a good laugh. -- MichaelFeathers

You bet it's the right answer. I've had some stupid people shout their heads off. And I was only trying to quieten them down. -- AlaskanGrizzlyBear

This page was deleted by its original 'creator', DaveSteffe.

Awww, that's too bad. I used to like pointing people to this page. Well I enjoyed reading it, anyway, so thanks for posting it.

It was a good page Dave. -- MartinNoutch

I notice that nobody mentions my feelings on this deletion. I've had it up to here with Wiki, I can tell you. -- AlaskanGrizzlyBear

Are you going to do a WikiMindWipe?

More like a WikiCuffOnTheHead?. In my dealings with humans that has dealt with the mind-body problem pretty neatly. -- agb

By popular request then, I've recovered the page as it seems the first wiki aware bear and others did 'enjoy' the read. --DaveSteffe

Might this page be considerably shortened by replacing the DaveSteffe action list with the use of a .50 AE Desert Eagle or similar tool?

Well, it's possibly the first wiki-aware grizzly bear, but the mascot for EddiesWiki is also a bear, named TinyTed?. However, he's not capable of applying RefactorMercilessly to a programmer.

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