What Strong Emotions Show

On PolitenessConsideredHarmful and other places, it is claimed that strong words are sometimes valid.

I do not agree with this, but I learned that even if strong emotions may cause quite a lot of problems, at least one thing is clear:

When StrongEmotion?s occur, it is clear to all involved that some border was stepped over or something real important is at stake for someone.

Other possibilities exist: One is that someone has mental issues, and has difficulty with inappropriate displays of emotion. Another is that someone is trying to willfully sabotage the conversation and/or intimidate the participants. A third possibility is that you are dealing with one of those folks who have learned throughout life that the best way to get what you want is to be an asshole; by unexpectedly raising the stakes they are hoping the other party will back down.
In general yes. But my experience was with people I knew well and strong emotions didn't occur very often. So if they occurred I knew it was important. For casual acquaintances this rule may fail due to your remarks. And one has to normalize according to individual temperament.
{People tend to filter their friends for certain traits consciously and unconsciously. It's hard to subtract out that bias. And, we generally don't select friends who trigger strong emotions in us.}
[Different people are different and react differ ways in different situations. It's hard to really know. Behavioral generalizations will have tons of caveats and exceptions. Otherwise smart people can be jerks at times and dumb people can be very polite. Often the smartest people have higher-than-average emotional problems (Examples: John Forbes Nash, Jr., and SteveJobs {as a product designer}). Sometimes the anonymity of the web is seen as a license to be an ahole and the web is turned into a catharsis target.]

I think that in real life this is mostly a GoodThing, because otherwise one could never be sure what is really important to the other one(s). I learned this when my then-fiancee was quite happy when I (being a calm and balanced type) went overboard in one stressful event (not about her). Before, she was unsure if I would ever show what things were really important to me (in most discussions I am factual and discuss problems away).

I'm not sure if this restriction to 'in real life' is necessary, but I guess so, because in real life, you mostly can't fake StrongEmotion?s. Our facial muscles betray us in that case quite to our advantage (HowTheMindWorks has an insightful summary of this point). So emotions state facts of life that reason has to accept and work with. One simply cannot argue emotions away.

But with TextOnly?, as on WikiWiki, one has to trust, that the 'strong words' accurately reflect the StrongEmotion?s of the utterer. And this can be faked easily.

At least with time one can get a feeling for the fellow WikiZen, so e.g. if ElizabethWiethoff would use strong words, I'd guess, that she were really angry about something. If CostinKulisz? on the other hand breaks out, I fear it doesn't mean much to me (at most, that he is unsatisfied with life, the universe and computer science in general.

-- GunnarZarncke

If the cause and/or intent of strong emotions is hard for the other party to interpret, then their use as a communication tool is limited. For example, some people seem to fly off the handle for everything, and others are moody. Their reaction to you may be a result of what they had for lunch, not anything you said.

If you want to get along with people, then just follow two simple rules: use rudeness sparingly and respect people and their opinions. If you feel that "being right" is more important than getting along, we'll, you've chosen a rough path and don't be surprised when it gets rough.

Is that the path you've chosen, Mr. OO-is-all-hype I-hate-types TableOrientedProgramming-uber-alles? :-)

Based on the heat, it appears so. But usually I'm not rude except as retaliation, and try to show respect; however the definitions of "respect" and "rude" are relative to person. For example: "You are rude if you don't read my favorite IT books and papers!" At least my complaints of rudeness do not require 800 hours to "fix". They merely require avoiding typing certain patterns. They are subtractive fixes, not additive fixes. -t

Usually comes from being Impatient in some way, and often occurs out of great differences in language interpretations and cultural norms. This Wiki is very limited in its ability to communicate, and especially when it has authors from around the globe. A comment that is normal and unimportant for one culture, may be fighting words for another. Confusions over directness and rudeness.

Some also believe that common rudeness serves a useful purpose. Verbal spanking, if you will.

See PolitenessConsideredHarmful, IsYourRudenessNecessary

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