Pointy Haired Managers Song

[Some content moved to MajorGeneralsSongParodies--ScottJohnson]

Being that WardsWiki is about PeopleProjectsAndPatterns, AntiPatterns in particular, here is a G&S parody about that personification of the AntiPattern, the PointyHairedBoss (or in this song, the PointyHairedManager?. That's Haire'd, with two syllables. Otherwise the meter doesn't fit. So sue me). This parody isn't the equal of the masters (nor of KevinWald?s fine opus), but here goes anyway.

With posthumous apologies to Gilbert and Sullivan...or should that be Dilbert and (Norman) Soloman????

I'll dispence with the surrounding dialogue from the libretto... as the libretto has yet to be written.

---

PHB:

 I am the very model of a PointyHairedManager?
 No matter what the enterprise, I can most surely damage her
 I've read the works of Deming, Brooks, Taguchi, and Phil B. Crosby
 Why anyone would listen to these loons is largely beyond me

 I can produce pretty presentations using Powerpoint
 (Sure they may be pointless, but that is precisely not the point)
 I'm a wizard writing org charts, diagrams, and processes
 Sacking my subordinates and butt'ring up my bosseses

Chorus:

Sacking his subordinates, and butt'ring up his bosseses
Sacking his subordinates, and butt'ring up his bosseses
Sacking his subordinates, and butt'ring up his boss-es-es-es-es

Chorus member (spoken):

Hey!  It's "bosses", you stupid moron!

PHB:

 I drive a BMW, though it's only a five-series 
 When I get promoted next, I'll buy myself a Mercedes
 I climb the corporate ladder then I slide right down the bannister
 I am the very model of a PointyHairedManager?

Chorus:

 He climbs the corporate ladder then he slides right down the bannister
 He is the very model of a PointyHairedManager?

PHB:

 At my company I supervise a team of engineers
 Most of them are hopeless nerds (except for one I'm sure is queer)
 I couldn't tell a linker script from an object modeling tool
 But that's not important 'cause I used to beat them up in school

 I find intimidation is a wonderful way to critique 
 (I like to call it "coaching", just the same, it is a fine technique)
 I made up the schedule, so it's their fault the project's late
 I'm tired of hearing all the whining how "there's too much on my plate"

Chorus:

 He's tired of hearing all the whining how "there's too much on my plate"
 He's tired of hearing all the whining how "there's too much on my plate"
 He's tired of hearing all the whining how "there's too much on my plate"

PHB:

 I don't know what I'm doing, but that's not a job requirement
 So long as I can keep advancing, 'til I reach retirement
 When it comes to ignorance, I'll fend off any challenger
 I am the very model of a PointyHairedManager?

Chorus:

 When it comes to ignorance, he'll fend off any challenger
 He is the very model of a PointyHairedManager?

PHB:

 I went to a diploma mill, 'tis where I got my pedigree 
 I majored in mixology, sororities, and LSD
 Two point six (or thereabouts), I think, that was my GPA
 I'd tell you more about it but you'd need to sign an NDA

 Professors called me "lackluster", and said my future wasn't bright
 Now I make more money than they do, ha-ha, I've seen the light
 I'd tell them on the golf course, but I think that would be indiscreet
 I've got a 20 handicap, but that is only when I cheat

Chorus:

 He's got a 20 handicap, but that is only when he cheats
 He's got a 20 handicap, but that is only when he cheats
 He's got a 20 handicap, but that is only when he cheats...

PHB:

 So I went into this current field, to hide my gross incompetence 
 Considering the power I wield, that doesn't seem to make much sense
 It's like handing car keys to a very horny teenager
 I am the very model of a PointyHairedManager?

All:

 It's like handing car keys to a very horny teenager
 I am/He is the very model of a PointyHairedManager?

--ScottJohnson

CategorySillySongs