Captain Horn Hair

Imagine you're an engineer on the Enterprise. And you thought Dilbert's boss was an idiot? When was the last time you got told

I want you to increase the efficiency of all our systems by 33% immediately. Don't give me any lip - make it so!
I left something under the couch three years ago and now I can't find it. Go backwards in time!
I want to vent warp plasma from the starboard nacelle while the main deflector dish emits a verteron beam with an inverse harmonic. We're in combat, so get it right the first time without testing it.
These machines are the product of some totally unknown alien technology. I want them doing whatever it is they do by tea-time.
We're about to get sucked into a worm-hole. So the tidal forces won't crush us into the shape of a fishing line, I think we should turn up the inertial dampeners. What? Well I thought you said they did that ...
If you don't have that program debugged by Friday I'm putting you on away teams until something eats you.
I'm busy in an alternate dimension at present, but the ship is in terrible danger. Figure out how to correct matters, but don't do anything until I return and tell you to make it so. Wait for it...
What do you mean, "counter to the laws of physics?" Montgomery Scott does this stuff all the time!
No, I assure you my mind has not been taken over by aliens again. Now confirm the self-destruct order you half-breed scum!
Ionic storms are preventing us from scanning the planet's surface or using transporters. Every unmanned probe has disappeared without a trace. So I'd like you to take a shuttle down to the surface and check it out. We have no idea what's down there, and we won't be able to communicate with you or rescue you if you don't come back. But I think the risk is worth it: you might discover a new kind of plant or something.

--Lt. Barclay.

Why "horn hair"? A reference to Captain Horatio Hornblower?

No, a reference to the crescent-shape tuft of hair surrounding Jean-Luc's rather prominent bald spot. This page describes Picard. You think that Kirk takes afternoon tea? Kirk is CaptainHornDog.

Also, if Dilbert's boss is a pointy-haired boss, then a boss who gets away with the things a Star Trek captain gets away with might be said to have veritable horns growing out of his hair.

CategoryDramaticIdentity.