Why We Hate Brainfuck

I converted our accounting system from CobolLanguage to BrainfuckLanguage; it's a huge improvement.

Wha...? You're insane! COBOL is at least a RealLanguage! Why convert?

Brainfuck is a real language! It's TuringComplete, it's inspired multiple other languages, it has the smallest compiler ever written for any language...

And it's way easier to read than COBOL.

You're insane.

You're just a SmugCobolWeenie. Clearly you've never even programmed in Brainfuck, so you wouldn't know.

I don't have to try it to know it's stupid!

Typical. You don't know anything about a language, but you assume that makes you qualified to know everything about it. If you'd pull your head out of your COBOL ass, you'd learn something!

Now now, it's not true that Brainfuck is easier to read than Cobol. PerlLanguage, sure. But not Cobol.

CobolWeenie! I challenge you to name one thing COBOL does better! You're always going on and on about how great COBOL is, but you never come up with any concrete examples. Cobol is a dead language; move up to something modern!

Sigh. Fine. How about:

   MULTIPLY X BY Y GIVING Z.

-- sj

Oh, come on, how often does that come up! Anyway, that's stupid because everyone knows that MultiplicationIsJustSyntacticSugarForRepeatedAddition?. And I heard that there was a sourceforge project to get a multiplication library for Brainfuck working, so that people don't have to keep inventing their own. Division will follow quickly.

Tsk. SnuspLanguage has had multiply and divide for months. Let's see BF do the AckermannFunction!

But the language's name alone gets us a visit to Human Resources for a lecture. It would be like renaming COBOL to COLDBUTT.

There's a company that sells a full-featured COBOL compiler written purely in BrainfuckLanguage, that only took 700M lines of code to write. They said it's selling briskly.

http://areyou.com/pletelyou/tofyourfuc/kingmind.html [BrokenLink 2004-Aug-5]did you read the link? do you suppose it was ever not broken?

CategoryHumor (if it ain't obvious) LanguagePissingMatch