RefactorNotMyPunctuation
It never did you harm
Your edit slurs my education
And whits not to your charm;
Our wiki bounds with ThreadMesses
And trite and wonting prose
Please deal with these excrescences
'Fore businessing your nose
With my poor form and lacking smarts
And bits that show no scintil
Or I'll befoot your rearward parts
And show you to the lintel.
And some italicize not for font
Or spell to stress their meaning
Don't change stress lest you also change
Their meaning by your seeming.
Your dainty prose with all its chaff belies an ego swollen
The same, perchance, that would append your footnote to my colon.
You better see you're standing close and safe beside your momma
When I commence me trance to put the deles to your comma.
The ways to make it stop and go are manifold; and myriad:
So why must you insist on ending always with the period?
My challenger all meek contends with couplets rhymed and rude
Umbrage to entropic prose where form's misunderstood
But failing to support this case confuses pride with guileful
Antic abstract punctuating misdirected style, full
Glamouring the earful eye while turning logics subtle
For hearts of beasts that erstwhile fought into a clear rebuttal
Ending thus the strife that sets one dog to eat another
(Though no dog ever stomached that fell bitch that is your mother)
Yet stay our tongue! Beginners need our compliments, not flamage
And the better part of valor stays the stroke before its damage
Too swiftly ends the parlay. Come young friend and take th'advice
Gently to your heart. A stylish slip or phrase not nice
Or wording not too smart boots less than threads and butchery
Too common round these parts. RefactorMercilessly
If you must, but might with banter flip and fey and too familiar
Start and leave my fly specs where they lay, now would it kill ya?
Then let us settle down to nearly gentler relations
As our ancestors would like it, be they canine or what-have-you,
And dislodging not thy putrid arthropodic defecations
(As I wonder at the cow whose loins were cold enough to calve you
In a passion well induced by some iambic pentameter
While she crouched in manner pleasing so to suffer much contusion
And then anon to plunk it on some chilly double-seater
Thus to drop my dear opponent in one glorious extrusion!
Now this was not the first time
Nor the second but the turd
That these bisyllabic udderments
Of cow partum were herd.)
And lest some reader think that this description lacks decorum
I hasten now to warn of such conclusions premature:
In my family we despiseth arguments ad feminorem
Never suffering another such a rudeness to endure.
These seething imprecations, incorrect and maladroit,
Lead the argument "ad feminorem" almost from the start:
"Femino", Latin novices, still seated in short pant
Will not translate to "feminine" nor otherwise supplant
In any conjugation of the fairer constitution
"Femina" meaning woman, "femino" means "self pollution".
Punctuation being least of all the violence in your verse
To refactor, you've become brunt of your own familial curse,
Despised by all your tribe, you'll win no friends with your declension
For "rem" is single masculine, as you'll stay I've apprehension
Until classical intent meets high-class form in future lyric
No classy broad would touch this with a many meter stick.
PoemWiki is a stylish and a noble avocation
Yet by dueling with our verses we've achieved but altercation;
Pray continue our discussions now in words more kind and graceful
And select some rhymed allusions less extreme and better tasteful;
For shameless picking on your grammar without praising content per se,
E'en I've stained this page's premise in a manner arsey versey!
Congratulations, learned friend! You've taken all the piss
From out our argumenta [sic] ad matrem hominis.
And all is much improved since you chose to air your qualm
(We realized in afterthought we'd meant "ad feminAM").
But when it comes to femmes I think your point is rendered moot
By recess of their plumbing, how they do themselves pollute.
Do tell us if persistence on this subject make you teary
Ere trickling our thoughts on this instinctum micturire...
(Ho! Nothing on this earth could scarcely make a man much madder
Than MentalStateCalledFlow that yields to interrupting bladder.)
[One moment please.]
* * *
And when with bladders slack our sense of humour cease to issue
We gentlemen abhor all diseconomy of tissue.
While unlike us of higher aim (endowed with fire hosen),
For her the rolls of double-ply are cheaper by the dozen.
Before we get all bound up in a mess that's foul and sticky
Let's lift our nose and sing a toast to "Viva PoemWiki!",
A prayer to help the verses flow as sweet as light molasses
And damn yer eyes if e'er ye dare refactor our emphasis.
As I wandered, feeling icky, through the labyrinth of Wiki,
Pondering many a page of ThreadMess, XP and refactoring lore,
While I web-browsed, sometimes stressing, suddenly there came a blessing,
Like an angel's hand caressing, pushing back that boredom sore -
"'Tis a joyful page," I marvelled, "have I time to read some more?
WikiWiki, I need more!"
Deep into WardsWiki turning, RecentChangesJunkie yearning,
Soon again I yearned nepenthe somewhat stronger than before.
"Surely," said I, "there are pages that will last throughout the ages -
That won't drive me into rages? Something I've not seen before?
Something fresh, of method novel, not created heretofore?
Patterns, methods, show me more."
Came joy to the situation: RefactorNotMyPunctuation!
The balm to soothe away frustration! Holding breath, I scrolled for more -
A splendid sequence of invention for anonymous contention
Over wiki prose intentions: wordage-duel, lyric-war;
Here's to hoping that these authors have some further jousts in store.
PoemWiki evermore!
CategoryRefactoring, CategoryWhimsy
Refactor Not My Punctuation