Programmers Are Wankers

We kid ourselves that it's all terribly important, but, look, guys, it's just plumbing. It doesn't matter whether you think you're a SuperProgrammer or some doof who is just terribly excited at what excel does. There is no electricity crackling at your fingertips when you figure out that the subjunctive on page 54 of manual 17 can manage the connective on page 253 of manual 2. You are not a deity just because you eked out a couple more working lines of code today than you did yesterday. And these Great Men that bestride your Earth like colossi - Beck, Box, Cunningham, Torvalds, Wall ... - they smell bad, their wives nag 'em to put out the garbage, and they cheat at Bridge.

The entire pursuit of programming is festooned with egoboo and self congratulation. We get really excited about reinventing the wheel every year, all new, all different, all singing, all dancing. But in use it's just the same old wheel, and if we had a shred of self respect we'd admit that. The real engineers - the Teslas, the Dysons, the Fullers, the Von Neumanns - they do things that haven't been done before. We programmers just insert tab A in slot B and collect a paycheck. If you think there's more to us than that, you're a wanker. Whether you know it or not.

Don't auto-workers brag about their hot-rods? Don't cooks talk about their great dishes in boasting contests?

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{Humans are Wankers. They have huge egos and rationalize all kinds of shit. It's almost as if they evolved from apes or something.}

Correction: The real engineers - the Teslas, the Dysons, the Fullers, the Hoppers - they do things that may not have been done before. In all likelihood, they aren't the first ones to do whatever you're accreditting them with, but that depends upon how religious your version of science is.

And yes, I'm a wanker. :P

Strawmen. Software is not pointless. Programming is fun. A job is what you make it. But, still, ProgrammersAreWankers. [Wanking is fun, too. Hence the metaphor.]

Okay, so are we going to have an EngineersAreGodlike? page or its equivalent? I'll watch for it and bask in reflected glory. Just by the way -- speaking as an engineer, let me tell you that engineers are wankers also. We're just glorified technicians. All the heavy lifting is done by scientists who wear Velcro-strapped shoes and eat with a bib. I have worked with the kind of people who really figure out the hard stuff. Next to them I'm a floor swabber. -- MartySchrader

Scientists are wankers too. All the heavy lifting is done by mathematicians who keep pens in their bib. I've studied with the kind of people who really figure out the hard stuff. Next to them I'm a floor swapper.

Do we need an EveryoneIsaWanker? page? I suspect we could keep going... -- JonathanTang

MathematiciansAreWankers?, too. All the heavy lifing is done by philosophers who ponder the existence of the pens in their bib. I've studied with the kind of people who really figure out the hard TripleMeta stuff. Next to them I'm a toilet scrubber.

Or something like that.

Instead we should do something highly productive, such as be a manager :-P

Programming languages are both tools for thought, and tools for solutions. Programming is the Magic Executable Poetry. Programming is just one way to explore the world, along with math, art, etc. It's just so much fun! Along the same lines, open source programming is the ultimate massively multiplayer online game. There are so many mental toys available that I may never run out of things to learn and try! --ShaeErisson

Wanker :)

Re: "You are not a deity just because you eked out a couple more working lines of code today than you did yesterday..."

SoftwareGivesUsGodLikePowers has a certain allure. It's the closest us mortals may get to deity-hood without becoming a Mormon (who can earn their own planet if they pay tithing, have 7 kids, and don't wank off).

Hmmm. If this comment was about Jews or Muslims people would be up in arms. Why no respect for Mormons? Besides, real Mormons believe in being saved by grace *after* all they do -- *not* that they can earn it

Why does it convey non-respect? And Mormons explicitly believe in "works", meaning that deeds are the main grading criteria.

{I'm not Mormon or religious in general, but I find your quip has an unpleasant odour of prejudice and bigotry. Also, on a page that's generally quite funny, it isn't.}

It's the only religion I know of that promises potential "god-hood". Thus, there's only 2 known ways to potentially become a god. And, having that ability/potential could perhaps make somebody arrogant (a wanker). People often seek a justification for being arrogant, as if their ego writes checks that their behavior has to find a way to cover. Signing up to be become a god may be one such way. Religious beliefs do indeed seem to make some people arrogant. Coder control over a virtual world may also trigger similar behavior.

I'm not saying that every Mormon has a "god complex" anymore than every programmer does, but certain religions or practices may bring out or attract certain traits associated with wankerness more often.

See also SoftwareIsReallyPointless, ProgrammingIsNotFun, ItsJustaJob, WhyProgrammersAreHated?, etc., etc.

Contrast with the first story on MyBestProgrammingMoment.

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