Lord Of The Oses

Recently one of my friends, a computer wizard, paid me a visit. As we were talking I mentioned that I had recently installed Windows XP on my PC. I told him how happy I was with this operating system and showed him the Windows XP CD. To my surprise he threw it into my microwave oven and turned it on. Instantly I got very upset, because the CD had become precious to me, but he said, "Do not worry, it is unharmed." After a few minutes he took the CD out, gave it to me and said, "Take a close look at it." To my surprise the CD was quite cold to hold and it seemed to be heavier than before. At first I could not see anything, but on the inner edge of the central hole I saw an inscription, an inscription finer than anything I had ever seen before. The inscription shone piercingly bright, and yet remote, as if out of a great depth:

  4F6E65204F5320746F2072756C65207468656D20616C6C2C204F6E65204F5320
  746F2066696E64207468656D2C0D0A4F6E65204F5320746F206272696E672074
  68656D20616C6C20616E6420696E20746865206461726B6E6573732062696E64
  207468656D0D0A

'I cannot understand the fiery letters,' I said in a timid voice. "No but I can," he said. "The letters are Hex, of an ancient mode, but the language is that of Microsoft, which I shall not utter here. But in common English this is what it says:

One OS to rule them all, One OS to find them,

One OS to bring them all and in the darkness bind them

It is only two lines from a verse long known in System-lore:

Three OS's from corporate-kings in their towers of glass

Seven from valley-lords where orchards used to grow

Nine from dotcoms doomed to die

One from the Dark Lord Gates on his dark throne

In the Land of Redmond where the Shadows lie

One OS to rule them all, One OS to find them,

One OS to bring them all and in the darkness bind them

In the Land of Redmond where the Shadows lie."

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Origin uncertain, but possibly by Darcy Brockbank, who posted the following version to comp.sys.next.misc Mar 4 1993:

 Subject: I'm feeling paranoid today... 

 If ya know The Lord of the Rings... 

 Three rings for UNIX kings, under USL 
 Seven rings for the Mac lords, with their System 7 
 Nine rings for vapor Pink, doomed to die 
 One OS to rule them all, one OS to find them, 
 One OS to take them all, and in the darkness bind them 
 In the depths of Redmond, where the shadows lie

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(Historical notes: USL = Unix Systems Labs, Pink was one of (or the, depending on how you look at it) Apple's ill-fated next-generation OS projects.

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One of the older (1998) versions to have an added hex string for the inscription used the following hex:

  4F6E65204F5320746F2072756C65207468656D20616C6C2C204F6E65204F5320
  746F2066696E64207468656D2C0A4F6E65204F5320746F206272696E67207468
  656D20616C6C20616E6420696E20746865206461726B6E6573732062696E6420
  7468656D0A

...which makes sense, whereas the other hex I don't get.

Sorry, I didn't know this had an original source. (Although it seems more fitting that it should end in 0D0A...) DeleteWhenRead

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Very nice. Have you ever really thrown a CD in the microwave before, though? They spark a lot, and then cool patterns emerge on them. So this is almost semi-plausible. -- JonathanTang

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CategoryWhimsy CategoryOperatingSystem