Herding Cats Problem

Cats (e.g., housecats) are independent, solitary creatures (notwithstanding the notable exception of prides of lions). Programmers (especially those who gravitate to "open-source" programming) tend to be independent, solitary creatures. Neither cats (even lions) nor programmers are easily herded. They are prone to rushing off in all directions as the whim strikes. Managing a non-trivial project with independent, solitary programmers is Excedrin Headache #1024. - Meme Engineer -

ref: DiscWorld Series, TerryPratchett (can't remember which one might have been LightFantastic?)

Solution: outsource to a desperate and hungry third-world programmer who will kiss your ass and do anything you say.

To herd cats, use the engineer techno-lust - i.e. just use laser pointers.