Cars Lack Math Argument

Cars Lack a Math Argument

I am unable to grok cars. People just use cars to do things that could be done better by a database. I don't need to "drive" to the grocery store. I can simply insert myself into grocery store. See, transportation is the same thing as data! Tables are preferable and no can objectively assert the advantages of cars over Table Oriented Transportation (TOT). What are the "Rules of the Road" and is there a calculus to define them? -- TotMind?

Not only that, but long-distance travel can be implemented by a relational join.

[Not to mention that I don't need to ever go anywhere... I can just select what I want and it's magically here. Maybe my brain is just hardwired against cars, I don't like the parent child relationship of wheels to the car, hierarchies are too limiting.]

Yeah, those damned navigational and OO cars make me have to learn the roads and long winding paths.

[Yea, chasing pointers is crap, I can't grok why you'd want to do this.]

Now I can just ask for what I want and the transporter beams in the result set to my living room. (Just avoid a CartesianJoin, or else you will have to have the Mother of All Garage Sales.)

So, if a car is data and a garage holds cars, then a garage must be a database? Given the large amount of things stored in my garage kept just in case I might possibly someday need them, this seems to be true.

My wife keeps nagging me to normalize my garage.

Counter Argument

The basic rule for cars is that they should increase coupling within a car and reduce coupling performed between cars. A better designed car (Jaguar) should result in increased and tighter coupling compared to a poorly designed car (AMC Gremlin).

Jaguar? Well-designed? Pfft. I saw the following (relevant) bumper sticker on an MG Spitfire the other day: "Notice. All parts falling off of this vehicle are of the finest English workmanship. Umm, have you looked at Jaguars lately? They're right up there with ze Germans in terms of quality these days.

That's 'cause Ford is running 'em. HaHaOnlySerious. Indeed. More and more "European" and "Japanese" auto companies are now owned by US makers - Volvo, Jaguar, and Aston Martin by Ford (which also owns a piece of Mazda), SAAB, Subaru, Isuzu, and Lotus by GM, etc.
- On the other hand, my Jeep is now a German automobile, it seems... :)

I don't understand your problem. With an appropriate relational database, I can just write a simple join to link the wheels to the car. I don't understand why Car Mechanic Weenies insist on lug nuts.

[Know why the British don't (much) make computers? They can't figure out how to make them leak oil massively.]

The only thing that prevents TheMatrix from happening is a the absence of a sufficiently powerful RDBMS...

  Codd is Godd!

Just call it Darwenian evolution....

CategoryCars? RelationalCarsImpedanceMismatch? LimitsOfCararchies? TableOrientedTransportation? CarIdentity

CategoryWhimsy, CategorySatire?