You Dont Do It The Way Ido Therefore You Suck

Solution:

Where different people approach a task in different ways, all of them successful, declare that the way you do it is "the right way" and insist on using it as a criterion for giving people respect or social position.

For example, if you like to think things through carefully before sitting down at the keyboard and writing some code, go around scolding everyone who likes to fiddle around at the keyboard a while and is perfectly happy writing code and deleting it as they get better ideas. Set up exams in college and tests at job interviews to exclude the people who like to program with feedback from the computer.

For example, if you like to gather your thoughts while alone before speaking, go around scolding people who like to talk things out and explore a variety of ideas in collaboration with others. Whenever someone proposes an idea that you know how to shoot down, shoot it down right away and bring this up as evidence that they don't belong in as elite a group as you. Never miss an opportunity to quote witty sayings like, "One really ought to think before speaking."

For example, when PairProgramming, interrupt the other person jarringly every time they make a keystroke that is different from what you'd do if you were working alone, and insist that they do the job "right".

Problem?

Person needs justification for social status.
Person hasn't learned ways of working with people with different styles.
Person is not aware that "there are nine and sixty ways of constructing tribal lays" (RudyardKipling), i.e. person is not aware that other approaches also work.
The only strategy of influencing others that the person knows is to try to humiliate them for not agreeing with him.

Requested solution:

If someone knows constructive ways of working with people who play YouDontDoItTheWayIdoThereforeYouSuck, please post them!

Ideal solutions would avoid humiliating the person who is doing this, and gently lead them to a more cooperative approach. Of course, a solution need not be ideal to be worth posting. Any solution that works, even some of the time, would be great!

That is in general incorrect. As a matter of taste, some people prefer such solutions (non-humiliating gentle approaches), however the social function of humiliation is primarily to correct behavior, and although it is not always necessary, and sometimes it causes more problems than it solves, there are some people in some situations for whom nothing else will work. Whether humiliation is a first resort, a last resort, something to be utterly avoided, or even possible at all, depends deeply on the details of the situation and people.

I beg to differ. The social function of humiliation is to assert dominance, and if used to correct behaviour it only breeds anger, resentment and sometimes retaliation. If there is a circumstance where a humiliation-first approach is the correct one, or even an appropriate last resort, in my twenty-plus year professional career I have yet to see it. I have seen it tried often enough, and it's all too easy to do out of anger or temporary insensitivity, but even if the behaviour is corrected (and it almost never is) the long term results are never good. As such, the statement above is perfectly correct. Ideal solutions would indeed avoid humiliating the person who is doing this.

I don't do it well, and obviously you don't do it well, but I remember times that my behavior was corrected by humiliation; it's incorrect that it "only" does those other things. It depends. There are times when people are so out of line that it doesn't comparatively matter that there might be some anger, so long as they change their behavior. Take an extreme example, not in workplace: if there's a chance of defusing a lynch mob by humiliating its leader, who cares if they have simmering resentment and anger for the next month. You can claim all you like that there's always a better solution, but my counterclaim is that that is hope, not fact. It depends on circumstances, as most things do.

I'm happy calling it a last resort in most, even almost all circumstances. I'm unhappy with people who make absolute statements about such things, since there's no proof of absolutes, and it only takes one counterexample to disprove an absolute statement, so anyone's memory of a personal anecdote is enough to show the absolute to be wrong. Whereas if it is turned into a "mostly" kind of statement, there's no such problem.

P.S. I just remembered such an anecdote. I corrected a friends behavior by making fun of him until he finally was humiliated enough to stop a certain antisocial behavior, and he did stop, and about 20 people were relieved, and he was only mildly miffed at me. It worked out just fine, and to this day I don't know what else I might have done; no one else knew what to do about it.

Solution #1: Avoid the humiliator

A simple solution is just to end the conversation and avoid future conversation with this person.

The person is clearly announcing that he only wants to associate with people who think exactly the same way he does. Since you don't, he doesn't want you in his club. By avoiding him, you are going with the forces around you rather than fighting them. Better to spend time with people who have some synergy with you.

Disadvantage: You're losing the benefit of what this person has to offer.

Disadvantage: Puts you in a weak bargaining position in some places. For example, if the humiliator is a co-worker, you either have to find another job or constantly go running whenever he shows up.

Variation: Just keep the person at a distance by limiting conversation to superficial things and empty politeness.

Solution #2: Showdown

Ask the humiliator, "Are you saying that ______ always works and ______ never works?" Be specific. You may need to prepare your remarks in advance. If the answer is yes, then propose putting that theory to a test. If the answer is no, then perhaps you have no real disagreement except about conversational style (see solution #3).

Solution #3: Ask for a change in conversational format

Tell the humiliator that you feel angry when he insists that his way is the right way and that you understand his tone as condescending or insulting. Ask that when he wants to do something differently on some job, he ask you if you'd like to do it that way (or however you'd prefer that he propose ideas).