Things In It Hell

Things you find in IT hell:

The right parenthesis key is broken on the Lisp work-station
TopMind is your XP partner
COBOL is your only scripting language, BrainFuck if you complain.
All code must be done with punched IBM cards, and the card lab is very windy. Only the Three Stooges are allowed to load and unload cards from the hopper.
Microsoft Office has Word 6.0, Excel 7.0, and Access 8.0., and must share the same DLL library.
You find out gargoyle programmers work twice as hard for 1/10 the coal.
The HP printers are free, but the cartridges cost an arm and a leg, literally.
GrammarVandal checks all your code comments, and sends you back to the card lab if you make a single mistake. And he/she/it doesn't tell you where the mistake is. Before you consider avoiding this by skipping comments:
Your memory of the past 6 months is intermittently erased without notice such that you have to re-learn and read your own code and comments.
Binary 1 and 0 is replaced with MAYBE and MAYBE NOT.
Vi is given to Emacs fans and Emacs to vi fans. They wrestle every evening at 7. Fighting ring has no fence.
Coders are forced to actually see the sun.
Coders are forced to have lunch with marketers.
The humility and cooperativeness of coders infect all mankind.