Self Righteous Jerk

The SelfRighteousJerk is an AntiPattern observed several times in various contexts by the author. This is not describing any one particular individual, more a composite of several. The refactored solution, however, is only based on the author's experience and could use some refinement (see discussion below).

The SelfRighteousJerk is the kind of person who starts categories such as CategoryOfMoron. His prime differentiator is that he believes that he is always the most right person in the room, and doesn't care whatever happens when he makes this 'fact' extremely clear to everyone else.

He is not stupid, in fact often intelligent. Since he wants to always remain the most right, he will adapt his beliefs based on whatever criteria he believes makes him more right. Not being stupid doesn't disqualify him from being a moron however, because his righteousness is his most fatal flaw.

He will never be fully respected as the most right (regardless of how right he may be) for the very reason that he insists on demanding this type of respect.

Ironically, this mission to be the most right makes it much harder for him to be right, because it makes him a jerk. Few people like him, few people are willing to put up with him to hold a decent conversation, and so he misses out on one of the most useful methods of learning, which is through interaction with one's peers. He would have a hard time recognizing his peers anyway, since they are so obviously less right than he is.

We all know a SelfRighteousJerk. Some of us (this author included) used to be one.

Refactored solution:

If you are a self-righteous jerk and no longer want to remain one, you have a lot of work to do, but there is hope. It is possible to stop being this type of moron. It takes a couple of key observations that you probably aren't aware of, or aren't aware of the significance of:

I once wondered why no one would listen to my great ideas. They were obviously stupid for not paying attention to them. I would argue, insult, use brutal sarcasm, complain, and other various techniques to try to show them how wrong they were. Some people would respond with their own arguments, insults, sarcasm, and complaining. I never believed anything they said. In fact, after a certain point I would just dismiss anything they said without even bothering to listen to it. They were obviously SelfRighteousJerks.
Then I stopped one day, tired after a long and fruitless debate about Truth, and thought, "This sucks. This isn't any fun, and nobody listens to me anyway. I wonder why." Then it hit me. When people use the same techniques I use, I never listen to them. Here's the kicker that I never realized until that very day: Everybody is just like me. We're all built from the same stuff, and to a greater or lesser degree, we all have the same social instincts. When I'm talking to jerks, I never listen to them. When I act like a jerk, nobody ever listens to me. You could have the greatest ideas in the world, and for the mere fact that you're a jerk, nobody will ever listen to you. Doesn't that suck? If only the world would change...
You cannot change the world. Especially if you're a jerk. People are happy living their lives and it's very very easy to ignore people they don't like. It's very hard for them to go through the bother of changing their lives which they are already happy with anyway. If you're a jerk, and you give them a choice to ignore you or change themselves, the obvious choice is to ignore you. In fact, the harder you try to change them, the easier it is for them to ignore you. Before you criticize them for acting in this obviously stupid way, you should know that you do exactly the same thing. Remember all those SelfRighteousJerks you ignore?
You can change yourself. You can choose to behave differently. If you could do this, people might start listening to you more, you might get along with people better, you might feel happier with the new relationships you can now form with people who aren't SelfRighteousJerks. You will have more opportunities in life, more respect, better friends, more love, and more happiness. With all these reasons for you to change, why the heck didn't you do this before? "Ah, yes," you recall, "I value Principles, and Truth, and being Right!"
There is no Truth, so stop looking for it, and stop trying to make others look for it too. Instead, search for what is useful to you. First of all, TheSearchForTruthIsFutile. But that's not the most important thing. More important is that you are very unlikely to ever find real Truth and Rightness. Many many people have tried before, and the only ones who think they found it are the mystical/religious people you can't stand anyway. This endless search leads no where. You get nothing out of it in the end. Second most important is that nobody believes in your version of the truth anyway, and nobody likes it when you try to force them to believe it. Trying to make others believe in your Truth will only bring you more pain, and will fail anyway, so there's just no point. Better to search for what is useful (CollectWhatWorks). Useful is the knowledge of how to deal with people in a constructive way. Other people like to learn useful things, so you can share your ideas that way. People will likely return the favour, and you'll learn more useful things too. People will also show you respect. And who said you can't be principled and social at the same time? Look at all the famous people you respect for being principled. To the very last one of them, they are social people, I am without doubt. Even Einstein and Feynman were nice guys, though sometimes shy.

So, where do you go from here? It won't be easy, but there are places to start. Despite the silly title, HowToWinFriendsAndInfluencePeople is still one of the best books for transforming yourself from a SelfRighteousJerk into a happy, successful person. Another book to look into is SevenHabitsOfHighlyEffectivePeople, which addresses the desire to remain principled.

The song, Revolution by TheBeatles? (JohnLennon/Paul McCartney):

I wish I could quote it here without copyright infringement, but instead here's a couple links:

In relation to the SelfRighteousJerk, this song basically says it all as to why SelfRighteousJerk should be considered an AntiPattern. SelfRighteousJerks are the ones who most want a revolution, and in the end, they never manage it. You need people to accomplish anything in this world, and you can't gather support from people if you are a jerk.

Multiple versions of this song exist. A (filmed) fast version with lots off squealing guitar, a slower normal version, and John and Yoko's fun with tape thing (#9, #9...) on the WhiteAlbum?. Interestingly, on the faster version John says "You can count me out - in." This, he said, is due to his undecided take on destruction in a revolution.

Discussion regarding "TheSearchForTruthIsFutile" and "You can't change the world":

Apparently the reason to be polite is because nothing matters. I don't buy that, so apparently I have been wasting my time whenever I've tried to be polite, right?

How does that mean that nothing matters? I believe both of those and yet there is plenty that matters to me. For example, having a good life and having friends and family to share it with. TheSearchForTruthIsFutile means that the search for Truth doesn't matter, not that nothing matters. Also, you can't change the world, but people around you do change in response to you. "You can't change the world" is simply a wake-up call that you can't control other people's beliefs. Only they can change themselves, and if they perceive you as an influential figure in their lives, they will choose to be influenced by you. You cannot force them to change.

If people around me change in response to my actions, then I can change the world, or at least help in the process. And I still don't buy that the search for truth is as futile as you say. Is believing so a necessary prerequisite for being polite, or not? If it isn't, why would you act like it is? This seems like a cheap attempt to introduce some philosophical agenda, but disguised as promotion of civility so nobody can object to it. Well, I object to it regardless of the wrapper.

Whether or not you can 'change' the world is just arguing about words. The world doesn't magically transform from 'changeable' to 'not changeable' when I say "You can't change the world." But hopefully your perception does change. It's all about how you are going to focus your time and energy. If you spend all your time trying to "change the world" the way a SelfRighteousJerk does, you're going to be beating your head against a wall. That's what it means.

The same thing with the search for truth. I've never met anyone who was preoccupied with searching for the truth who wasn't also very very frustrated at their lack of success in finding any. The problems with trying to force others to search for truth is actually more important than whether you believe the search for truth is worthwhile or not. Perhaps it wasn't clear that the search for usefulness replaces the search for truth. At least you feel like you're getting somewhere when you find out something useful. And like I said, other people will like to learn useful things you know; they dislike having the 'truth' shoved down their throats. This is just a fact of life.

Also, I don't believe in politeness for politeness' sake. Politeness is useful to me, so I usually try to remain polite.

I believe in the search for truth, and I think reasonable progress has been made. I wouldn't force anyone to look, but I would encourage them to do so, and I'm sure as hell going to object when someone tells me not to. This page strongly implies that to not be a SelfRighteousJerk, you have to accept the author's pragmatic beliefs. The hypocrisy there is transparent. I agree with the assessment that this page is noise.

Ok, well it only describes one person's transition from jerk to non-jerk. I'm sure there are other ways to make the transition that don't require a belief that the search for truth is futile. Unfortunately, I personally can't help on that side, not having experienced it that way. Do you have other ideas as to how to make this transition? The question that needs to be answered I think, from the currently-an-jerk point of view, is "Why should I give up my strongly held beliefs that being a jerk is good, and switch to a very different strategy of life?" For me, that question was answered by my belief that the search for truth leads only to frustration, and the search for utility is more fulfilling.

Either because it makes others more likely to learn from them, or because it makes them more likely to learn from others. In both cases, not necessarily the same person who is being addressed. If this is not the case, I'd be hard pressed to see the point. I should note that evanglelism of relativism is not necessarily less self-righteous than evangelism of any particular brand of truth, so I don't see how that change would help. If you've changed - I don't know who you are, what you are like now and were like before - I imagine it's independent of your change in position.

Note especially that the description above doesn't correspond to SelfRighteousIndividual?. As described above, a SelfRighteousJerk is a combination of SRA and BlatantIdiot?.

It corresponds to neither. It is an AntiPattern, not a category of moron. I think it's appropriate to keep the two concepts separate, since the purpose of each page is quite different. This page is about identifying, understanding, and modifying behaviour that people have noticed is counter-productive. The category of moron pages are an exploration of various AdHominem labels you can attach to people. It would be good for this page if it was toned-down, whereas the category of moron pages are intentionally volatile.

CategoryAntiPattern