Originally thought to describe the ascendance of generations of ancient egyptian kings and queens into the afterlife, it turns out these texts are actually a changelog used by engineers to describe the construction of the pyramid itself. As such they constitute the earliest and most concrete form of LiterateProgramming.
Reproduced in outline the text reads:
- 0.0 Pharoah coughed up the dough and overseer Big Gav has me chopping this stuff into what he says is going to be the guy's coffin.
- 1.1.1 Whoops, no zero in egyptian arithmetic. Starting over. Overseer Big Gav just had me flogged. I feel ill.
- 1.1.2 Scribe Xerxes has taken over pyramid documentation for the greater glory of Pharoah Unas, may he live forever.
- 1.1.3 In order to correct a minor informality, Pharoah Unas, may he live forever, has ordered Overseer Big Gav drawn, quartered and crushed, not in that order.
- 1.1.4 I, Xerxes, have received authorization from Pharoah Unas, may he live forever, to assume Big Gav's responsibilities.
- [...]
- 1.2.1 Place block 16A next to block 17B
- 1.2.2 Place block 18A above block 16A
- [...]
- 1.2.10017 Place block 9822Z 3 cubits to the left of block 9833Y.
- [...]
- 1.3.1 Block audit commenced. Block 16A placed 5 feet away from correct sidereal alignment.
- 1.3.2 Xerxes sliced, crushed, fried, and served to the dung beetles. Execution completed 2 days ahead of schedule. Scribe Heraclitus assigned to de-construct pyramid.
- 1.3.3 Block 9822Z removed to realignment pit 1A ...
Edited to more clearly delineate humorous irony from scholarship (as an amateur egyptologist: yes, in fact it matters).
Pyramid Texts Deciphered