Pick Your Battles

Save your energy for the important battles. It takes a strong ego to not try and win every minor point, but it works better in the long run.

Moreover, trying to win every minor point is rhetorically risky. Most audiences have a disdain for people who will say anything to win an argument. If the only way you can think of to counter a small point is to bring in something that people may consider unfair or irrelevant, you will probably do more damage to your overall argument than if you simply ceded the point.

Don't be a ChronicComplainer.

Your desk just got moved further away from Fred, the business person you were using as a pseudo-onsite-customer. You take this as a sign that your company doesn't value teamwork, and is heading the way of complete cluelessness. It is your moral imperative to shape up the company, or else the company will soon sink! Do anything, say anything, to get your desk moved back!!!

This sounds silly, but it's something I've seen (and done) thousands of times. The person who had your desk moved simply didn't realize you talked with Fred on a regular basis. They rearranged the desks to clear up space for new hires. When you fight this battle in a rage, assuming the company will sink if they don't repent, you end up looking like you don't know how to PickYourBattles.

That's not to say you wouldn't be more productive with your desk moved back. Just realize that two different people can interpret the same battle as taking part in two different wars. Find out what the conflict represents to the other person, try to communicate what the conflict represents to you, and then talk things through. Not so tough. (I say this as if I've ever remembered to do it. My normal course of action is the one with the exclamation marks in the first paragraph.)

Remember that the goal of an argument (or other conflict) is not to get the other parties to admit that they are wrong and to do what you ask. "Winning" is measured in terms of whether you get benefit from it. All parties can win--it doesn't have to be a zero-sum game.

Don't fight a battle if it is not beneficial, and don't fight a battle if the costs are too high. And most importantly, don't fight a battle just because you think you have been challenged to one.

See SilenceImpliesFatigue, LetItBe

CategoryLifeStrategies