Options For Nuthin

Six thirty in the evening. As the executive staff at some anonymous high-tech company heads out the door, to their luxury cars parked in reserved spaces near the front of the building, to yet another evening of wining and dining clients and/or investors in fancy restaurants--all at company expense, a group of programmers (behind on a management-imposed schedule) sighs and prepares for yet another late evening at their workstations (The preceding image is rendered, of course, in CGI animation). One of the engineers, who by no strange coincidence looks a lot like the British rock star Sting, climbs up onto his desk and breaks out in song.

 I... want... my....

The other programmers, stunned, stop what they are doing and look up at their colleague; gravely concerned for his sanity

 I... want... my... M. B. A

Eerie high-tech music fills the room; first a single electric guitar with a synth background; then the mood is shattered when the guitar is joined by a power drum solo.

 I... want... my... M.B.A

The dramatic tension of the music builds up to a climax--which is then relieved by a wicked guitar lick. All the other programmers get up on their desk and start dancing to to the beat; one grabs his mouse and holding it like a microphone, begins to sing

 Now look at them assholes, that's the way you do it
 You drink through college, get your M.B.A.
 That ain't working, that's the way you do it
 Options for nuthin' and play golf all day

 That ain't working, that's the way you do it
 Let me tell you, those guys ain't daft
 Maybe get a decrease in your yearly budget
 Maybe get a decrease in your staff

The rest of the beleagured programmers join in

 We get to install enterprise components
 Custom forms and query screens
 We gotta code these applications
 We gotta code these Java Beans

Anther programmer picks up the mouse. The janitor looks in, thinks about calling security, decides he's not paid well enough, and goes to clean the restroom

 The little brown-nose with the Gucci and the Rolex
 Yeah buddy, that's the bozo
 The little brown-nose has a black Mercedes
 The little brown-nose he's a CEO

 We get to install enterprise components
 Custom forms and query screens
 We gotta code these applications
 We gotta code these Java Beans

A passing security guard hears the commotion and peeks in. Seeing what is occurring, he does get on his walkie-talkie and call for backup. A third programmer picks up the mouse and begins to sing

 I should've learned, to hit a five-iron
 I should've learned, to kiss some ass
 Look at it, they're always talking to their brokers
 Man, and we could make some cash

 And they're up there... what's that?  Industry buzzwords?
 They're laying out the bullshit like its election day
 That ain't workin, that's the way you do it
 Options for nothing and play golf all day

 We get to install enterprise components
 Custom forms and query screens
 We gotta code these applications
 We gotta code these Java Beans

A fourth programmer takes the mouse

 No, no, that ain't workin.  That's the way you do it.
 Drink through college, get your M.B.A.
 That ain't workin, that's the way you do it
 Options for nothing and play golf all day

 Options for nothing.... and play golf all day
 Options for nothing.... and play golf all day 
 Look at that! Look at that! Look at that!
 I want my, I want my, I want my M.B.A.
 I want my, I want my, I want my M.B.A.

At this point, a horde of security guards and policemen raid the office, rounding up the programmers and hauling them away.

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CategorySillySongs