Management Speak

Our game plan is to synergize our customer's core competencies through reimplementing and repurposing mission-critical proactive benchmarks for high leverage, 24/7 improvements to the bottom line. Our industry-leading, world-class knowledge base of best practices takes you way outside the box to win-win empowerment at the end of the day. Touch base without ever having to go offline through our advanced IT outsourcing optimization.

To operationalize this strategy, we will:

Empower and align enterprise core competencies, with the evolving globalization of the strategic marketplace for customers and resources.
Employ post state of the art, practices internally and externally to evolve our organizational ecosystem.
Embrace change (even though it's prickly like a porcupine and squirms around like a Labrador pup.)

Throughout, technology will allow us to

disintermediate, throughout the distributed value chain,
informationalize, through a vital information ecosystem,
optimize, our processes and practices
and anticipate then exploit strategic, operational, and tactical opportunites.

There's your spec. Go build the tech for it. Why aren't you done yet? - (Memo from the executive committee.)

Dilbert Mission Statement Generator:

http://www.dilbert.com/comics/dilbert/career/bin/ms2.cgi

CategoryJoke, we all presume. Or hope, anyway.

It is often not a joke, but a dead-serious way to justify a potentially bad idea without really justifying it.

No, no, no. Read the first half of the first sentence again. Synergize our customer's core competencies?!? What the heck is that supposed to mean? Junk like this is strictly a joke, although we have all seen similar kaka that is not intended to be phunny, but a real mission statement. Oy. So now the question becomes, how do we fight this drivel? What should we do to squash it?

Laughter is our main weapon. And lack of fear. Laughter and lack of fear are our main weapons...

(Caution: laughing at the boss is considered a CareerLimitingMove in many circles. May contain nuts.)

Seems like what used to be called Gobbledegook. There was a column in one of the Washington D.C. papers I think that used to publish the choicest examples of this kind of thing. It was Bureaucratic Government-speak!

The full empowerment of the new-age individual can only come about there the energizing agency produced by the visualization of hyper-potential opportunistic alpha moments. Or something like that ... --RaySchneider

Are people susceptible to accept buzzword laden speech simply because they don't want to acknowledge the lack of meaning it conveys for fear of appearing stupid? That is to say, "Well, those are words. Words must mean something. I guess that must mean something. I don't know the meaning. I better just pretend otherwise because otherwise I'll look foolish for not understanding it."

Get that into a feedback loop and that's where the real atrocities arise: suddenly these people who didn't understand the meaning in the first place are passing on such statements to other hapless individuals!

So now the question becomes, how do we fight this drivel?

"We need more of the technology. And it's not 3-D enough."

See BuzzwordBingo, BuzzwordCompliant, BuzzwordMasochist

CategoryManagement