Homer Simpson

HS does and says things that make you wish you were dumb enough to do or say them...

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"D'oh!"

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Homer: You'll have to speak up, im eating a orange

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Homer: It's true! I swear on this bible!

Marge: That's a book of carpet samples.

Homer: Mmmmm.....Fuzzy.

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From http://www.snpp.com/episodes/1F04.html :

Homer panics a little, running back to his work station. "Stay calm," he reassures himself, "remember your training." He reaches for the "Emergency Procedures" manual, and opens it up. A square has been cut out of most of the pages -- a square big enough to hold a solitary donut. But Homer finds no donut; all that's left is a piece of paper. Homer reads it.

"Dear Homer, I. O. U. one emergency donut. Signed, Homer."

Blast it! He's always one step ahead.

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Homer: (Falls out of treehouse) Stupid gravity!

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"Lord, if you agree with this, please give me no sign at all.

"Thank you, lord."

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"Young lady, in this house we obey the laws of thermodynamics!!"

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"Lord, you're everywhere. You're omnivorous."

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Homer to aliens: "Don't eat me, I have a wife and children! Eat them!"

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Homer on timescales:

MOE: I just bought this from the Navy. It can flash fry a buffalo in 40 seconds

HOMER: <distressed> 40 seconds? I want it now!

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HOMER: Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand.

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HOMER: You mean the Mafia only did me a favour so they could get one in return? Fat Tony, I am so disappointed in you.

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                     ______
      .'/,-Y"      "~-.
     1.Y               ^.Do Re Mi Drink
     /\                 _^- by Homer J. Simpson
    i             ___/"   "
    |           /"   "\  o !DOUGH... The stuff that buys me beer.
    1          ]     o !__./RAY... The guy that sells me beer.
     \ _  _     \.___./    "~\ME... The guy who drinks the beer
      X \/  \            ___./FAR... The distance to my beer.
     ( \ ___.    _..--~~"   ~`-.SO... I think I'll have a beer.
      ` Z,--    /               \LA... La la la la la la beer.
        \__.   (   /       ______)TEA... No thanks, I'm drinking beer.
          \    1  /-----~~" /That will bring us back to...
           Y    \          /(Looks into an empty glass)
           |     "x______.^D'OH!
           |            \
           j             Y

ThomasLaresch

Corrected, I think

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"What if." Well, what if I get out of the shower tomorrow, and step on a bar of soap? Oh my God, I'd be killed!

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HOMER: The Internet, that thing is still around?

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Homer: "Hmm. I see they have the Internet on computers now."

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Homer: "The problem is communication. Too much communication."

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Homer: "Operator!? Give me the number for 911!"

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Homer: "OK Brain, I know we don't get along, but let's just work together so I can get back to slowly killing you with beer."

Homer's Brain: "It's a deal!"

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Homer: "Shut up brain, or I'll stab you with a Q-tip!"

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Homer: "Stupid risks are what makes life worth living."

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Arty Ziff: "What's it like to be married to Marge?"

Homer: "It's like being married to my best friend, and he lets me touch his boobs."