Homer Simpson

HS does and says things that make you wish you were dumb enough to do or say them...


Homer: You'll have to speak up, im eating a orange

Homer: It's true! I swear on this bible!

Marge: That's a book of carpet samples.

Homer: Mmmmm.....Fuzzy.

From http://www.snpp.com/episodes/1F04.html :

Homer panics a little, running back to his work station. "Stay calm," he reassures himself, "remember your training." He reaches for the "Emergency Procedures" manual, and opens it up. A square has been cut out of most of the pages -- a square big enough to hold a solitary donut. But Homer finds no donut; all that's left is a piece of paper. Homer reads it.

"Dear Homer, I. O. U. one emergency donut. Signed, Homer."

Blast it! He's always one step ahead.

Homer: (Falls out of treehouse) Stupid gravity!

"Lord, if you agree with this, please give me no sign at all.

"Thank you, lord."

"Young lady, in this house we obey the laws of thermodynamics!!"

"Lord, you're everywhere. You're omnivorous."

Homer to aliens: "Don't eat me, I have a wife and children! Eat them!"

Homer on timescales:

MOE: I just bought this from the Navy. It can flash fry a buffalo in 40 seconds

HOMER: <distressed> 40 seconds? I want it now!

HOMER: Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand.

HOMER: You mean the Mafia only did me a favour so they could get one in return? Fat Tony, I am so disappointed in you.

      .'/,-Y"      "~-.
     1.Y               ^.Do Re Mi Drink
     /\                 _^- by Homer J. Simpson
    i             ___/"   "
    |           /"   "\  o !DOUGH... The stuff that buys me beer.
    1          ]     o !__./RAY... The guy that sells me beer.
     \ _  _     \.___./    "~\ME... The guy who drinks the beer
      X \/  \            ___./FAR... The distance to my beer.
     ( \ ___.    _..--~~"   ~`-.SO... I think I'll have a beer.
      ` Z,--    /               \LA... La la la la la la beer.
        \__.   (   /       ______)TEA... No thanks, I'm drinking beer.
          \    1  /-----~~" /That will bring us back to...
           Y    \          /(Looks into an empty glass)
           |     "x______.^D'OH!
           |            \
           j             Y


Corrected, I think

"What if." Well, what if I get out of the shower tomorrow, and step on a bar of soap? Oh my God, I'd be killed!

HOMER: The Internet, that thing is still around?

Homer: "Hmm. I see they have the Internet on computers now."

Homer: "The problem is communication. Too much communication."

Homer: "Operator!? Give me the number for 911!"

Homer: "OK Brain, I know we don't get along, but let's just work together so I can get back to slowly killing you with beer."

Homer's Brain: "It's a deal!"

Homer: "Shut up brain, or I'll stab you with a Q-tip!"

Homer: "Stupid risks are what makes life worth living."

Arty Ziff: "What's it like to be married to Marge?"

Homer: "It's like being married to my best friend, and he lets me touch his boobs."

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