Conquer With Compassion

[ WuWei & EmailNetiquettePatterns ]

In conversation, especially written conversation, it's all too easy to argue at cross-purposes or to no good end. Doing this builds reactions against you, loses the respect of observers, and fails to expose the grounds for alternative views.

Therefore,

Find out what your correspondents need, have compassion for them, follow carefully instead of contending against them, draw them out instead of shouting them down, ask questions instead of taking positions, learn and take their views into account, and even when they seem blatantly foolish and pigheaded find a way for them to keep their self-respect and livelihood. Don't be dishonest, but be supportive and charitable unless there is really no other course.

This way you can convey your viewpoint without meeting opposition, come away with the good will of your audience, and build their community. Is this obvious? Perhaps, but it's also readily forgotten.

A couple more guidelines: Nobody here is stupid. If it looks like they said something stupid, you have probably misunderstood them. Read again more carefully, asking yourself what sensible point could lie behind their words. And nobody here is dishonest. Never suggest that someone else is lying or acting with out the best intentions; it's almost never constructive.

Actually, these are guidelines for Usenet rather than here; here they are mostly followed already. -- DaveHarris

Yes. This is not only about not flaming on but also refining the depth and endurance of civil discourse. It's easy to argue logically, calmly and persistently and still make a great arse of yourself. I do that far too often.--PeterMerel

CategoryCommunication