Barney Vs Teletubbies

We suspect that programmers like TeleTubbies better than Barney. For example:

Teletubbies work together to solve problems. Barney pontificates from an ivory tower.
Teletubbies don't have all those pesky children running around.
Teletubbies have zippers up their back.
Teletubbies have an OnsiteCustomer (that baby-sun thing).
Teletubbies have an adequate snack source for task completion ceremonies (those rabbits).
Barney's followers never have real arguments. Teletubbies argue constantly, but using a careful semi-verbal protocol.
A teletubby's tummy can be used for a 21-inch monitor.
Teletubbies have Noo-Noo, a really neat vacuum cleaner mascot. They are tool users.
Teletubbies use a simple language (ga-ga / Smalltalk) in preference to a complex language (English / C++) for the same range of tasks.
Teletubbies enjoy their work so much that they never want to go home at the end of the day. Barney's usually the first one to leave.
Every programmer can appreciate "eh oh."
Leftover food in the team fridge starts to look like Tubby Custard after a while.
Every Teletubby episode, at some point, has them watching a training video (sometimes again! again!).
Barney practices that divisive Analyst/Coder role fragmentation, and treats his subjects as if they were much younger than they really are.
Teletubbies can be fun for adults to watch, while stoned. Barney isn't fun under any condition. :)
Barney, despite being purple, has never been accused of being gay by a ratings-hungry televangelist.
Barney makes a much better target at the plinking range. Teletubbies are practically ignored as long as Barney is around. Barney draws fire until he is unrecognizable; only then do the denizens start in on the Teletubbies.

Teletubbies come with a pull top.

That's an antenna!

Damn! Shoulda told me sooner. Spent all morning talking to ambulances and the police.

Hey, what about HrPufnStuf? ? (http://thehub.capcollege.bc.ca/~sstubbs/krofftsite/pufnstuf.html)

And yet, by the time children are old enough to watch Barney, they've had several years of normal and healthy development. As a result, they are better able to resist the kind of overt and blatant brainwashing found in children's shows which surely causes brain damage.

In contrast, teletubbies warps and deranges young minds from infancy when they have no defenses whatsoever. Which would be why many national pediatrics associations have condemned the teletubbies.

Keeping the above in mind, can someone please explain what's to like about the teletubbies?

They are cute and funny.
They live in a trippy environment where surreal events are normal.
They seem to be either the subjects of elaborate experiments carried out by unseen forces or slaves in training. Pondering how they got there and what will happen to them is enjoyable.
They make great videos for trance and trip hop music, especially while candy-flipping.

What justification is there for the bizarre accusation that "teletubbies warps and deranges young minds"?

The truth? And if you didn't know that television warps developing minds then you need to get out of the cave you've been living in and join us in the real world. There's enough documented evidence out there for you to trip over and then drown in it.

Depends on your definition of "warp", I suppose (uh-oh, I'm sounding like topmind). Certainly, too much teevee isn't good for children; that's well documented. (Likewise for grown-ups). OTOH, the term "warp" is so imprecise and loaded of a term, that the above claim is bordering on specious solely on the grounds that it's untestable.

To be more precise, there is lots of evidence that excessive TV can affect normal development of certain cognitive abilities which are stimulated by activities such as reading, but not by TV-watching. (Although, is it TV itself that causes this, or the fact that in many households, TV is a substitute for books?) TV is also not good for the eyes, if viewed for too long or while positioned too close to the set (much of the research here was conducted with CRTs, don't know if LCD or plasma TVs differ here). However, claims that it turns people (who would otherwise be freethinking intellectuals) into mindless robotic drones, as hinted at by some, strike me as highly questionable.

At any rate, I can't think of anything specifically objectionable about teletubbies, other than the fact that it's geared for very young children. (We'll ignore the likes of Mr. Falwell and his attempts to "out" tinky-winky).

Teletubbies isn't geared at "very young children", it's geared as infants. And what's objectionable about it is lots and lots of things. First is the fact that it's massively overstimulating (can you say ADHD?) and pediatrist associations have condemned teletubbies specifically and television in general. It isn't "excessive" television watching that's bad, any amount of television watching at that age is damaging.

The cut scenes, the bright colours, the movement, everything that's been designed to hold infants captive in Teletubbies is condemnable. Whatever shill child psychologists cooperated in the creation of the teletubbies should have their licenses revoked and be executed as a lesson to others.

(So books? Infants don't read books so everything you said on that topic is a red herring.

Then there's the fact that since teletubbies presents recorded video, it isn't interactive and so cuts into caretaker-infant gaze time. Teletubbies substitutes fake gazes for real ones, undermining one of the things that is absolutely essential for children to avoid growing up into psychopaths. And in case you didn't know, a society of psychopaths literally cannot exist, so teletubbies is basically undermining civilization itself.

And for older children, there's oceans of evidence demonstrating how television literally warps the perception of violence and danger in people, which causes violence to be normalized and makes people more dangerous. Television increases the crime rate, this is very well documented. It doesn't increase it instantaneously, but generations raised on television have many times the crime rate of generations raised without television, all other factors accounted for.

Actually, that's like saying pirates keep the Earth cool, because pirates have been decreasing while global temperatures have been increasing.

And eating ice cream causes shark attacks.

See: DissingBarney and CookieMonster, now that you're at it

MarchZeroSix

CategoryHumor