Assume Can Opener

(Moved from PractitionersRejectFormalMethodsDiscussion)

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A chemist, a physicist and a mathematician are stranded on a desert island, and all they have to eat is a can of beans, but nothing sharp enough to open it with. They each in turn set about devising a method to open the can.

The chemist comes up with a method that involves making seawater acidic enough to get the top off, and then neutralizing the acid with some basic coconut juice from a nearby tree to avoid ruining the food.

The physicist comes up with a complicated stick and rock momentum-leveraging apparatus to basically smash open the can.

The mathematician scratches his head, and walks around the beach for a while considering the problem. Finally, he comes and sits down next to his fellow castaways and says, "Assume a can opener..."

Would that be a perfectly spherical can opener of infinite density?

{Somewhere there is an allegedly real story about a farming productivity simulation that turned out wrong because it assumed spherical cows.}

We can extend this:

• An astronomer: "Wait until August 12, and then there's a 0.0001% chance that a meteorite from a meteor storm will crash down upon the can, spilling it open."

• Bill Gates: "Maybe we can walk around the island and trick somebody into giving us a newer can for the older one. We'd still starve, but at least die with the latest can."

• Steve Jobs: "Maybe if we paint it all white, a passing ship will notice it and help us open it. We just need to make some paint. I know iCan do it."

• George W. Bush: "Declare a 'war on beans' and then threaten to invade it! It will fear our might, and open up."

• Geologist: "Wait until 3 million years. Wind, sand, and sun will fracture these round rocks into sharp edges, then we cut the can open."

• Lisp-programmer: "Surround each side of the can with coconut shell halves. The sheer volume of shell halves will stir it into action."

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CategoryIdealism